A friend of mine was recently released from a relationship. That’s a nice way to say she was dumped. It wasn’t a good relationship, but it was a long one. It lasted five years and I have known her for half of that time. During that time I never heard anything good about it. He was always flirting with other girls, always making her angry, always threatening to leave, and there was never any commitment. They lived together but he never wanted to talk about marriage. So when he dumped her, he immediately hooked up with another girl. We speculated that he had her waiting on the side and was just waiting for the right moment to dump my friend and go hook up with his new victim. It was sad and my friend is hurting.
What she said next shocked me. She said she still wanted to have dinner with him, show him she can change, and hope to win him back. One, why do you have to change for him? He has known you for five years and knows you, why are you changing for him? And, two, why are you still going to see him? Why do you still want to be part of his life? As long as you are a part of his life, you will never heal. I understand she is hurting. I do. I’ve been through it. I know the routine. I know the desire to try to win someone back. But in groveling, you have no self-respect and the other person will not only not have respect for you, but it will fuel their pride that they think they should be won back.
I say all this to explain what I told her next. Right now…while you are not around him…while you are still hurting…while you still have some of your strength…Just Say No! Tell yourself that you will not see him. Tell yourself you will not answer his call. Erase his number. Unfriend him on FB. Do not have anything else to do with him. Cut him from your life. If you say, “I probably won’t see him” or “I’ll try not to call him”, you are allowing that little bit of weakness. Don’t. Decide now that the answer is No. By doing this, you make a promise to yourself.
Matthew 4:41 says, “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Our spirit wants to do the right thing. It wants to stay strong. It wants to heal and move on. But our flesh is weak. Feed the spirit. Pray. Read God’s Word. Surround yourself with strong Christians. And never, under any circumstances find yourself alone with that person at night. We are weakest when we are hungry, sleepy, and at night. Set boundaries and do not allow yourself to breach them.
This rule of Just Say No was instituted by Nancy Reagan in a campaign against drugs but it works in every area of our lives. And when you find yourself starting to fail, speak it out loud…NO! Tell that temptation NO! Trust me, you may have to say it several times, but God always gives us a way of escape (I Corinthians 10:13).