Getting Gone


This was my third tattoo and one of the most difficult ones. First of all, Toby Mac sings a song called “Lose Myself” saying “I want to lose myself, lose myself to find You, I want to lose myself, lose myself to find You, I don’t care how it sounds, burn it all to the ground, Your kingdom I desire, I want to lose myself, lose myself to find You.” This song had a big impact on me because God has asked things of me that really confuse me sometimes.

Paul says in Galatians 2:20 that it is no longer us that live but Christ that lives within us. Okay. I was okay with that. So I am no longer queen on the throne of my heart, but Christ is King. Okay. So after years of knowing this and trying to give up control to Him, He said to me one day, “You need to find out who you are.” I said, “What? I thought it wasn’t me who lived anymore in this body but You.” He said, “Yes, but before you can completely give yourself to Me, you need to know what you are giving up. So find yourself.” So I did.

I read a book by Beth Moore titled “So Long, Insecurity.” It was an amazing book and helped me to realize that I had been living my life trying to please everyone else when the only One I should be trying to please is God. My life took a whole different direction.

Okay. So now I know who I am and I am loving who God made me to be. Then God said, “Okay. Now you have to give all that up to Me.” What?! It wasn’t that He was asking me to no longer do what He made me to do, He just wanted me to use my talents for His glory, but I had to find my talents first.

When I heard this song, I realized it was God telling me I needed to lose myself.

The tattoo is of the moon with clouds floating in front of it. I know, my daughter says they look like hands. One of my friend says it looks like water waves. They are clouds. Why the moon? Because the moon is just a hunk of rock. The only time it does any good is when it is reflecting the sun. Get it? And when the moon does go through its waxing and waning, it negatively impacts us here on earth. When I try to do what I want, I mess it up. When I let the light of Christ shine off me, I am doing good.

Now. It’s location. It is located on the inside bicep of my right arm. One of the most painful tattoos I’ve gotten. Why did I get it there? It wasn’t my idea. God told me if I wanted it, I had to get it there. Why? Because when we lose ourselves to God, it is a painful procedure. It isn’t fun. It hurts giving things up to God. It shouldn’t be. We should be glad to hand things over to Him. But it isn’t and it is painful. Thus the painful location of the tattoo.